First Impressions: Your Kicks Say Whassup

So I've reached a new stage in life. I'm officially a grad student, working in urban education reform and have tried chocolate covered bacon. But one thing hasn't changed, there are just some things I need to hate on.

    Though I mean well, I’m a pretty judgmental bastardess. I can’t help it. I’m a hater by nature. Without meaning to I defy laws about first impressions. I judge books by their covers — I’m a sucker for good packaging— and I make snap decisions about people based on first impressions. Don’t worry, its not that deep. A few short moments after meeting someone I start filing people into my mental Rolodex.

    In all sincerity, it’s really just a two category sorting system: “research further” or “return to sender, not interested in your offer, please don’t call again.” A perfectly reasonable system if you ask me. Though many people agree these two categories, and this thought process are real talk, my criteria used to divide and conquer the personalities I come into contact with, raises eyebrows.

    Lots of people have rules used to do this type of cataloging— never trust a person with thin lips, never trust someone whose eyes are too close together, never trust someone who is a close talker, won’t look you in the eye and so on.

    But my judging doesn’t stop with people I am actively chopping it up with or when meeting my homey’s homies. Sadly, whenever people ask stupid questions like “what do you notice first in a guy?” I’m ashamed to answer, because on one hand its what I notice first in people in general, and on the other, to many it’s as shallow as you can get.

    No, its not eyes, smile, bods or booty. My judgment isn’t based on shit people can’t control, at least with out a plastic surgeon or behavior modifications. To me, it tells full stories about people, and rest assured, if we were face to face, I’d be judging you by it too. In fact I do it all day, everyday, at the nail shop, on the bus, in the grocery store, even at home. Trust me when I say that it’s all I need to know about people at first glance. I learn more about someone in my small little tidbit-sized deduction than I can learn from being given your name, business title and hometown. (I’m not gonna lie I can also deduce a lot from where you fall in your family’s birth order, but that requires investigating and hella work.)

    So when I say its someone’s shoes that I notice first, know its not because I’m some stiletto obsessed, fashionista clamoring for Jimmy Choos, knock off Ma-No-No Blahniks  or Louboutins— don’t get it twisted, once in a blue moon I dream about my own pair of classically designed red soled French heels. That’s the wrong girl, and those are the wrong shoes. Hear me out when I say my shoe of preference is, and has always been, the sneaker. Somewhere deep in my heart the teenage hip-hop-head just can’t let go of gloriously fashioned retro kicks in new and exciting colors.  

    Perhaps after years of conditioning- straining to get a peek at others to see if they out did my own kicks, my eyes instinctively go to shoes first. No, I’m not some submissive bitch looking down because culture tells me I can’t look you in the eye, I’m peeping the shoes you decided to wear today, and getting your story.

    The ground rules to my game are few, and only a handful of people have ever proven me wrong. The shoes I tend to hate, often belong to ladies and fellas I wouldn’t want to break bread with in the first place, and as such my check plus check minus system saves me the pain of weighing through hours of conversation and annoying personality traits.

First no-no’s include: dirty, painted on or marked up kicks of any kind, but in particular, Chuck Taylor’s and shell toe adidas fall under most commonly mistreated shoes. In my opinion a Chuck’s rubber toe should be white— not yellow, not brownish, not covered with angsty words or doodles.
    To some degree I get that certain populations want interactive shoes, so once every trillion or so pairs I’ll except an “enhanced” all star, but never should someone draw on a leather shoe like a shell toe. It’s just not cute  and, if you’re too busy to clean the wear and tear off the rubber parts of your shoes I’m sharing a not so secret-secret from the sneaker head handbook… Fantastic and an old toothbrush, nuf said. And folks, there is such thing as beyond repair, something to be noted for any piece of apparel. If your possessions have holes bigger than a pencil eraser and cannot be repaired even with the most simplistic pocket sized sewing kit, its time for that item to be buried. It lived a good life, served you well, but duct tape and gorilla glue or fabric patches can only work in a few instances.

Scratch that. Duct tape should never be used to fix apparel.
Return that shit to sender. It tells me you don’t know how to take care of your shit and while I get money’s     tight (recession and all) when you walk up to someone with grimey shoes that look like they far predate this     little economic crisis, I really have no sympathy.

Now Chuck’s and shell toes can be cool, when kept clean and treated like shoes with their historical importance in American culture should be, but what I really can stand and is almost never excusable, is combat boots worn, well just because— not because you know, you’re combating or anything— as well as creepers or any other shoe sold almost exclusively at hot topic.
    These shoes are often treated as an emo version of a pissing contest. I’m talking the “I’ve had my doc (martin)s for 5 years!” — “Oh yeah! I’ve had mine for 10”.
    No. All you have is a festering ground for foot fungus and bacteria. Trust me. I worked in footwear, creating custom sneakers at a certain major athletic store for a minute. No shoe worn day in and day out for that long of a period of time could ever be bacteria or fungus free. It’s just not possible. Shoes worn every, or nearly everyday, or for heavy activity tend to have a six month life span— Proper foot health tidbit #1.
    Back to the boots. I feel these shoes scream douche, or lack of an ability to embrace change. We aren’t in 1980s London, and the Ramones dead or geriatric. Truthfully most of the jackasses who sport these shoes are too young to even know where this shit comes from. And if you used to rock em’ that’s cool, but you don’t need some clunky ass platform loafers in plaid or gold toed boots (because you enhanced them yourself) to prove something. Not interested in your offer.
    My hatred of boots, creepers and the like segways nicely into my hatred of clunky shoes in general. Long have gone the days of clunky heeled or soled shoes. Ladies, if you’re intimidated by heels, as am I most of the time, there are shoes out there that give you a lift with out the impending fear of breaking your neck. Wedges for example, are cool. Low heels are in. But clogs and three in by three-inch square heels do not scream office professional. Like the orthopedic 2 in soled boots worn by men, they scream, “I am in desperate need of a reason to care!” CARE PEOPLE.


Just slightly less sad than the two sort of categories listed here are those people who care enough to own more than one pair of shoes and take care of them to a certain degree, but don’t know how to branch out. I.E. Men who own black or white K-Swiss, New Balance or Nike’s. It says, I’m sort of up on what’s not ugly but I’m boring and predictable. Women are victims of this as well but often to a lesser degree.
        Why are people so afraid of color, texture and laceless shoes? When did classic Timberland boots become a shoe for all seasons? On the female tip, I understand the appeal of Ugg’s— I won’t front I own a pair of soft soled Ugg slippers, that sheepskin shit is no joke, but those things shouldn’t really venture out of the house. Don’t give me that “they’re good for winter” bullcrap. They aren’t waterproof and have no traction. Frankly they’re the female preppy douche calling card. (Men= dock shoes. For more info, google that bitch.) They’re a fad that needs to die.
    Ditto for Crocs. I get the appeal— ergonomically correct, easy to clean, lightweight but they are GOD AWEFULLY ugly. Grandma’s, grandpa’s and people with bad backs, may the crocs be with you, but please make those bitches your house shoe.
    Being up on trends or at least owning up to more recent to date sneaker-boot slipper hybrids and neon foam rubber clogs is understandable as they’re all designed for comfort or easy, but they really are so common now they’ve been promoted to annoying. They say absolutely nothing special about you. Frankly I think that’s what shoes should do, say something special about you.

No, you don’t need to wear Nike Court Force Hi-s with paisley blue uppers a magenta swoosh and silver details, though those are a current personal fav. Nor do you have to sport red and white Chinese brocade adidas sleek series flats, though I can pull those off at work. What I’m arguing isn’t just a matter of me being judgmental; it’s a matter of presentation. Shoes say everything about you. Not because of the brand or how much they cost you, or the image they give you. The condition of and amount of time you spent picking them out says to me, how much you care about yourself. Plenty of people spend money on clothes, gadgets, personal care products gym memberships and botox to show the world their own self worth. Shoes aren’t that complex and your feet deserve to be remembered.

 

Happy_feet

No your shoes don’t need to be the highlight of your outfit each day, but I believe they can seal the deal. So here’s my brief guide to what I think one’s shoe wardrobe should contain at the most basic level.

    One pair of shoes only to be worn in the house. This can include slippers, those unmentionable clogs and fur lined boots, slides, your favorite sandals from Chinatown, or any other easy shoe designed for comfort not fashion, though they can be fashionable if you like. Wear them in the yard out back, but no further out in front than your doorstep. They can have holes, be dirty (buy not to the point of bacteria developing) whatever you want or need them to be. Only hear is the realm of ugliness, comfort and function, limitless.

    Seasonally appropriate shoes: one for summer, one for winter. Summer shoes take form in slides or sandals and do not require sacrificing comfort for fashion in most cases. Basic leather or solid colored rubber will do, no bells and whistles necessary. Winter shoes require simple, waterproof boots with traction. Fur feather tassels and other foot accessories not necessary. But please, keep each to their own season. Flip-flops + snow = absolute idiocy. Snow boots (or my favorite fur lined ones) + so hot outside you could fry an egg on the street temperatures= cut the fashion umbilical cord. Anna Wintour would not approve.

    For Athletics: Now I say this with the utmost respect for folks who regularly engage in sports or going to the gym or other major physical activities as I suck at keeping up with any one thing— I am sans car so I do walk everywhere. But please folks, please wear the appropriate shoe for your activity of choice. Wearing the wrong shoe can do some GNARLY shit to your body.
    It is with that that I as the following:
                     If you run, do not run in Converse All Stars. If you ball, don’t hit the court in running shoes.
These shoes are not designed to support the impact these activities have on our bodies. That’s why they make different shoes for each of them— Proper foot health tidbit #2.  Do your research, and don’t stray from what your body actually needs.

    For work, like athletic shoes, they should obviously match your game. However, for anyone working from a desk, or in a desk related facility a simple business casual (for the most part) shoe is all you need. They should be sleek.. Work shoes, unless your personality and industry allow, should say only that you’re confident and know what you’re doing. A simple but strong leather shoe in black or brown says this, and I know there are plenty of these out there.

    Lastly, at a basic, and I mean basic minimum, lock down one pair of go anywhere, do anything sneakers/ flats/ casual shoes, that make you happy. For the more conservative types this can be the one colorful shoe in your collection. For someone like me it’s the sunset print slip on Vans or Nike Dunk Lo-s in grey & dark purple with a polka dot toe box. This pair of shoes should make you smile. Happy feet make happy people.

Happy people, get filed into “Research Further.”