3 posts tagged “grown ass woman”
Actually, its beyond heels, its love-hate with all women's dress shoes.
I discreetly snapped the photo above on the bus today. These heels were so awesome the photo (taken by my meh, camera phone) does not do justice.
So its no secret I love shoes, but my love affair may be misleading as my shoe of choice is generally sneakers. But trust, when I say I can appreciate a truly well designed pair of heels, wedges or lady boots. But, like with much of women's fashion I have issues with them.
Flats, my business casual shoe of choice, are too flat all of the sudden. In light of the quarter-life they're proving to be too much for my bod to handle.
The last pair of black heels I bought squeezed my poor, nearly non-existent b/c its so little, baby toe into such submission that it took a week to recover.
My beautiful burnt orange leather wedges prove to be great for salsa dancing, but impractical running through SFC's never smooth streets.
The misery I experience now, post dress shoe wearing (particularly heels) is kind of exasperating. I used to dance, and do martial arts, could walk barefoot on all sorts of surfaces, and now my feet are pansies.
Seeing shoes like the ones above (maybe I just think they're fly because they're orange, I really cannot say) make me sigh, sometimes at an audible tone, which made my attempt at covertly taking a picture of this woman's feet a bit less covert.
Oh but how lovely they are. Like finely crafted master pieces, they just hurt like a bitch lately, relegating me to the oft hated upon, but occasionally stylish teacher shoe– if you dig deep, look hard and do NOT settle that is.
BUT I PROMISE: I will not and cannot ever, only wear teacher shoes. I will be that educator with dope sneaks, killer heels and I MEAN BUSINESS boots. I will not settle for clogs, that's fo sho. I will train my feet to endure the pains I've been feeling as of late. Honestly, I love shoes too much not to.
A few weeks ago, my sister, who has been through her fair share of being confronted face first with her own mortality (deep sentence, easy explanation: she has lots of friends who have not understood the value of their own lives… Cryptic statement from magtonic? Yes.) recently had a very grown up thought.
At 20 she said she felt that you have to earn this life.
My boyfriend sharing her sentiment clarified it to say that you have to earn a meaningful life.
Given that they’re both in different places, it seems to me that for my sister, so many people in her life cannot value precisely what life is about. Happiness, laughter, sadness. So many people in her circles have lacked the ability or perhaps the desire to keep it. It was robbed from them, they couldn’t own up to that responsibility.
The boyfriend lacks that aspect. He’s never seen it taken from someone-with the exception of two recent events, both tragic accidents- taken by the hands of whatever it is that led to that circumstance: something beyond ones own control, or at their own discretion.
So from his standpoint it’s about what you do with this life you’re given. For him, it comes down to that choice.
Given the fact that I’ve been dealing with the realizations that come with growing up, I think you DO have to earn this life. I think you DO have to earn a meaningful one, but I also believe you have to earn your adulthood.
As a recovering (here I go with that word again) American Studies Scholar, I have to say that more now, than ever before I feel like this country is flawed in that we don’t have forreal, meaningful or significant rights of passage that people must go through before being considered adults.
A friend in graduate school, who is taking a class in adolescent development, highlighted something that's at the heart of this manifesto. The lack of meaningful and mandatory rights of passage in American culture. She noted most feel that stage, the step from childhood into adult hood is marked by things like college, buying a home, perhaps car. I noted that those things aren't mutually accessible. To which she said that the space between childhood and adulthood is a nebulous one and fairly undefined. The second she said that it clicked. A fog. A literal fog. Most adults between the ages of oh say… 17 and 30, perhaps 35, are nearly lost in a mental/ emotional fog.
Suddenly, for me, it comes to make sense. The space between childhood/adolescence and adulthood is like a mini replica of San Francisco. All of us live with the fog from time to time but most/ many, fail to realize the city is full of microclimates and can never learn to get out of the Sunset District.
Sending my head spinning I thought about it.
Graduation is bogus.
Prom is bogus. (Insert any sort of coming out ceremony that involves large gowns, tuxes and perhaps ballrooms… however if you choose to reveal your sexuality to your loved ones by throwing a party in this manner, by all means do so, I applaud the idea)
Going to college and getting a degree… Bogus.
Although I realize it’s only those hard life lessons and real experiences that “age” us in the way that I might be interpreting adult growth to mean, It’s hard to pin point other ways to achieve a grown up status.
Maybe I mean to say that adulthood should be broken up into phases, the way school is. Having goals, realistic ones that don’t exclude you based on class (ie: college degrees), sexuality (ie: marriage) etc. that every person must meet to cross into adulthood is probably a pipedream.
My head is still spinning thinking about this one. But maybe that, in and of itself, is part of this right of passage. Maybe the quarter-life calls for you to be in this fog. The goal is to get out of it and find that warmer microclimate that sees sun more often.
The world of hip hop although known to cause controversy, provide lost suburban teens a scapegoat outlet for foul adolescent behavior, and urban teens a familiar face or story in the media, is also known to be somewhat paradoxical. At the moment personalities like Farnsworth Bently, the manservant of Sean Puffy Combs, dawning Burberry, a large umbrella and bowtie while their friends rap about coming from the streets, being hard and wearing merely white tees, or the College Drop out himself Kanye West who wears furs of all kinds but stands firmly against conflict diamonds and speaks freely about FEMA and Presidential neglect in the after affects of hurricane Katrina come to mind.
Which got me thinking, not about issues as pressing or culturally important as the ones I’ve just mentioned, but about something I feel isn’t really mentioned as much. Now you can get into all the discussions you want about masculinity in hip-hop, male bravado, the ideas of confessional vs. boasting rap songs, but that’s not what I’m thinking about with my idea. Frankly that’s too academic for my extremely exhausted and no longer as sharp brain.
The idea I’m curious about is the notion of being a “Grown Ass Man” which is heard often as it comes out of rappers, hip-hop fans, and men of all ages. (Disclaimer: Ass is now an adjective used to mean Very, or having reached a certain level. Example: “This is a good ass burrito.” It is not a burrito made of ass, as much as it is a very good burrito)
To say “I’m a Grown Ass Man,” is of course not just a statement about age, but about having responsibilities, being able to handle ones own business and life in a way someone grown should. Cee-lo has a song about the idea of being grown, which clearly strikes home to someone like me. Needless to say it strikes other people I know, some saying they are Grown Ass Kids, having so much life to live even if they are growing.
Given previous posts implying where my head might be lately I have been thinking about what it means to be a “Grown Ass Woman.” This is what I have to offer.
Things A Grown Ass Woman Should Do:
- Admit when she’s made a mistake, hurt someone, needs help and or spac
- Know when to step back and let others take the spotlight
- Know how to dress age and situation appropriately. Particular points to note:
- Pigtails are often juvenile unless the situation lends to them
- Trends found in teen stores do not often work for work wear
- A good bra is the best investment you can make, at any time.
- No one should know you are wearing a thong unless you are sleeping with them, they are meant to be assumed not seen through your pants because they are too tight
- Accept that life does not have a set path and it is okay if you are you do not have that husband/house/dream job/baby by the age of X.
- Know that at her best, when she is most herself, people notice. She wont have to try so hard if she keeps that in mind.
Things A Grown Ass Woman Is Not:
- An attention whore. Wanting validation and recognition is one thing, but using your god given assets, fucked up gender norms or other women to get them is not very grown.
- Someone who plays “the game” and gets caught. A grown ass woman instead, is conscious of the game and only plays enough to get by.
- Someone who places blame on others for problems that are of her own making.
- A slightly older version of her high school self. Grown Ass-ness implies holistic growth as a person not just in age/height/weight. Honey you do not have the right shape to wear Baby Phat any more, and you are too old to wear clothes with ages in the title.
- Someone who measures her worth by someone else’s standards.
This is a working idea… it might take some time to get used to it, but please take it into consideration. (Particularly the C section of Things a Grown Ass Woman Should Do. The bra part is very true).
UPDATE: 4/18/07 As noted by dnA of www.toosense.net , my use of the word "ASS" would "make ass an adverb, since it modifies an adjective not a noun." He was deeply bothered by my calling it an adjective in relationship to the phrase "good ass burrito." I think he is merely upset that there are no good *ass* burritos on the East Coast.
